The Diamond in Your Engagement Ring Will Last Forever, Your Marriage May Be a Different Story

Arlie Hochschild, renowned Author and Professor of Sociology
at the University of California once said, "The influx of women into paid work and her increased power, raise a woman's aspirations and hopes for equal
treatment at home. Her lower wage and status at work and the threat of
divorce reduce what she presses for and actually expects."

This quote expresses much of the plight that is still prevalent with women
today. Women dream as big as anyone else and desire to succeed just as men
do. However, it puzzles me that we allow ourselves to fall short when it
comes to protecting ourselves, specifically, our standard of living as it
relates to divorce or widowhood. According to Psychology Today Magazine
(1997) a woman's standard of living plummets 27% after a divorce; a man's
standard of living increases 10% after the same event.

Don't Wait to Fall Out of Love to Make a Good Decision

Consider this, when you first met your potential mate, love blinded you to
all of his faults and shortcomings. You could ask for anything and his
number one goal was to please you. Eventually, you get married. Everything
is fine for a while but then, the inevitable happens. You start hating each
other. He feels like he's getting no quality time with you. In a moment of
weakness, he finds someone who actually talks to him and laughs at his
jokes; maybe he even manages to fit some time into his schedule for that
newfound admirer. Suddenly, he's no longer waiting for or wanting your
attention and he files for a divorce. You, on the other hand, are shocked
because you didn't see this coming. You thought everything was fine.

The gravity of the situation hits you as a "newly single" mother when you
need money to pay the bills and buy food. He took care of all of the
finances and you assumed your financial situation would be in good order,
but now you are finding out it's not.


Compared to men, women are known to love hard and to love fast. I'm not
going to judge whether it's right or wrong, it's just a fact. It takes a man
a longer time to completely fall head over heels and when they do, some may
argue that their feelings are fleeting. However, when they are "in love"
they are most likely to do anything and everything to gain and retain the
favor of their beloved.

With all of these juicy tidbits in mind, when do you think will be the best
time to ask for protection in the case of divorce or widowhood? When he's
totally and blindly in love with you or when he's "through" with you and has
moved on to another life?

Pre- and Postnuptial Agreements Protect Your Interests

A Prenuptial Agreement is a private contract between two people intending to
marry, and a Postnuptial Agreement is between two people who have already
married. A typical Prenuptial Agreement discloses each person's assets and
liabilities that they bring to the marriage.  The agreement generally will
settle financial and property issues that arise in the event of divorce or
death- who gets the house, who pays spousal support and what property will
be considered separate or marital. Most importantly, Prenuptial Agreements
settle the issues normally governed by family and estate laws, which will be
overridden by the agreement. This can help avoid drawn out legal battles in
divorce court or probate.

Death and divorce are understandably unromantic topics for any couple to
approach when they are planning on spending the rest of their lives
together, but planning for these events, one certain and the other
increasingly likely, is part of handling the business of marriage. Just as
you buy car insurance to protect yourself and property and life insurance to
protect those you leave behind, a Prenuptial Agreement provides a form of
insurance protection as well. You protect yourself, your property and those
you leave behind.  Beyond that protection, the greatest value in a
Prenuptial Agreement is the discussion it generates between the two people
getting married, the expectations it sets as they start their marriage, and
the knowledge each person gains about their current and future financial
picture. That knowledge is power and often a tool the couple can use to
avoid financial pitfalls that doom many marriages.

Believe in the Power of Love, but Don't Do it Blindly

Nowadays, when a couple enters into marriage at a later stage in life, they
typically come with more assets and often more debt. Therefore, it is wise
to establish up front how everything will be divided if things don't work
out or if one person dies. This tends to make sense for second marriages
that involve blended families or situations where third parties, like aging
parents, are dependent on a member of the couple for support. If you came to
the marriage with a substantial 401(k) or property, then you can be certain
that those assets will remain separate in a divorce or will be passed to
someone other than your spouse. When an agreement such as this is
established it remains unaffected by estate laws in the event of your death.

Additionally, consider if your husband leaves you for another woman and you
were the primary breadwinner in the household. Do you really want to
subsidize the entertainment of a new girlfriend with your hard earned money?
A Pre- or Postnuptial Agreement will protect you from having to witness the
financial pain that comes from watching your ex-spouse move on and will
protect your interests to make sure you retain what was yours going into the
marriage or what you earned during it. After all, who wants to watch their
ex wine and dine someone else, let alone, end up having to be the one who
has to pay the tab?

It is a natural thing to want to believe in happy endings. After all, no one
would ever get married if they walked into it thinking they were going to
split up. However, statistics are statistics and facts cannot be ignored.
Two out of three marriages today end in divorce. Consider your future, be
smart and investigate your options as it relates to a Pre- or Postnuptial
Agreement and rest assured that if the fairy tale goes south you won't end
up being the damsel in distress waiting for another prince to rescue you.


BY: Sherri Brown of Cali Pearl Corporation
                         and
Afi Johnson-Parris, JD, MBA